Mindful Self-Compassion for Conscious Parenting
Self-compassion isn't just a buzzword—it's a game-changer for conscious parenting. And it goes far beyond taking bubble baths and vacations (although those also have their place!)—it’s a deeper state of being inwardly kind to yourself on a daily basis, especially during difficult times.
The way you treat yourself matters. It matters because you matter, and also because the way you treat yourself also impacts the way you treat others. As a parent, you’re likely focused on tending to everyone else’s needs, but just like your kids need love, attention, connection, and compassion, so does your own inner child!
The more deliberately compassionate you are with yourself, the more you will be able to be truly compassionate towards your children without burning out.
The Research
The term mindful self-compassion was coined by psychologists, Kristin Neff and Chris Germer, who have conducted extensive scientific research on the positive impact of combining mindfulness and self-compassion into one healing practice.
Studies have shown that when parents practice mindfulness, they become more attuned to their own emotions, which in turn helps them better understand and respond to their children's emotional needs (Neff & Germer, 2013), and that self-compassionate parents are more forgiving of their own mistakes and therefore less likely to experience burnout or stress-related parenting challenges (Neff & McGehee, 2010).
The research also suggests that children of self-compassionate parents tend to exhibit greater emotional intelligence and resilience themselves (Neff & McGehee, 2010). By witnessing their parents practice self-compassion, children learn to manage their own emotions more effectively and develop healthier relationships with themselves and others.
Mindful Self-Compassion Practices for Parenting
Often, the inner dialogues we have to ourselves throughout they day, especially during some of the more difficult moments of parenting, tend to be self-critical. Sound familiar? The truth is, you might not even be consciously aware of just how critically you speak to or think about yourself. That’s because we are usually our own biggest critics. The good news is that with practice, you can shift your inner relationship with yourself.
To practice mindful self-compassion in daily life, you can choose to set aside certain moments to really dive into it, but you don’t need a lot of extra time just to be more self-compassionate.
Here are some simple practices you can incorporate into your daily life to improve your wellbeing as a parent:
Think of yourself as a loved friend
One way to practice self-compassion is to start thinking about yourself as you would a close friend, one whose best interest you have at heart, who you have love and admiration for, and who you want to feel great about themselves. Next time you find yourself in a difficult parenting moment, see if you notice any inward criticism. Then, do your best to shift your mindset and treat yourself like a beloved friend.
Loving touch
Have you ever found yourself wishing that someone would just give you a hug? This is a very strongly wired drive for many people—to seek connection and loving touch. And it’s great if there’s someone there who can offer that in the toughest parenting moments. But if there’s not, you can give yourself the loving touch you need. Some things you can try are placing both hands over your heart, holding your own hand, gently stroking your face or neck, placing one hand over the heart and one on the naval.
Self-compassion meditations
If you find yourself with some time to yourself, even a few minutes after everyone has gone to sleep or before they wake up, you can try some of these mindful self-compassion meditations.
Sometimes even just taking a step back to breathe and affirm that you’re doing a good job, or the best you can, is enough. These small acts of self-compassion add up, making you a more mindful and compassionate parent.
Why Self-Compassion Matters for Mindful Parenting
Staying Centered: Mindful self-compassion can help you handle the ups and downs of parenting with greater ease. Also, by recognizing your triggers and responding with kindness to yourself, you can respond to your kids' needs more effectively.
Leading by Example: Kids learn by watching us. When they see us practicing mindful self-compassion—taking a breather when stressed, or being gentle with ourselves after a tough day—they learn to do the same.
Building Strong Bonds: Conscious parenting is about nurturing deep connections based on trust and empathy. When you practice mindful self-compassion, you create a safer space where your kids as well.
Reducing Stress: Let’s face it—parenting can be stressful! Mindful self-compassion offers relief. Simple practices like taking a moment to breathe or offering yourself words of encouragement can make a world of difference. A calmer you means a happier, more harmonious home for everyone.
By integrating mindfulness and self-compassion practices into daily life, parents not only enhance their own mental health but also create a supportive environment that promotes the holistic development of their children.
Mindful self-compassion can help you thrive in parenthood instead of just surviving it. By practicing mindfulness and treating yourself with kindness, you not only nurture your own well-being but also create a nurturing environment for your children.
Additional Resources
If you’re interested in learning more about mindful self-compassion, you can explore the various resources on the website for the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, including some free ones (I am not affiliated with this center, I just genuinely believe in their work).